I'm a recovering people-pleaser, too.

My story

From the outside, I looked like a strong, independent, confident woman. That's what made my people-pleasing so easy to miss, even for me.

It showed up in my closest friendships and relationships. I prided myself on being easygoing, flexible and low maintenance. When I felt a spark with someone, I attached fast and bent toward them: rearranging my plans, showing up whenever they needed me, asking for very little in return. When I did get hurt and tried to be met, I was often dismissed, so I tried harder and quietly started doubting myself. I knew I had needs. I just negotiated them down, gave myself a hard time for having them, and worked hard to make them palatable. When they still weren't met, I decided it was on me.

Even my personal growth became a way to need less: to meet my own needs, manage my own feelings, and make myself easier to love, hoping that might help people show up for me.

I knew all the stuff

I'd read the books and listened to the podcasts. I knew the language, and I set boundaries. But I felt so guilty for setting them that I'd minimize them, back down, or make the other person wrong for reacting.

Whose flow is this?

For years, I prided myself on going with the flow. Then a friend I adored, someone sparkly I had real chemistry with, forgot our plans for someone else's. When I told her I was disappointed, she said she needed friends who could go with the flow. And I finally asked: whose flow is this? It was hers, and I'd been the one adapting all along.

That's when I learned that chemistry isn't capacity. Someone can light me up and still not be able to meet me the way I need. In my closest relationships, I'd been trying to do the work of two people.

What I know now

All that knowing hadn't changed much, because the one thing I wasn't doing was learning how to be with myself. Recovery wasn't about needing less. It was about letting my feelings and needs be okay, and owning what's true for me.

As I practiced, something steadier started to grow inside me: self-trust. I can feel the difference now between what's true for me and what's true for someone else. I don't have to collapse into their truth or convince them of mine. When someone doesn't understand, or sees it differently, I can stay with myself. That steadiness is what I help my clients build.

My background

I’ve been coaching people for more than 15 years. I earned my Master's in Spiritual Psychology in 2008, and I've spent years studying psychology, spirituality and yoga philosophy, with a daily practice of meditation and self-inquiry. This work isn't something I turn on and off.

I don't hand out answers or formulas. I help you slow down, feel what's really happening, and reconnect with your own inner wisdom, with warmth, directness and a good dose of humor.

Beyond one-on-one

I love bringing this work into conversation. Podcasts are my favorite, because I feed off the back-and-forth. My workshops are interactive, more discussion than lecture, with exercises that let people experience the work, not just hear about it.

I'm also a Toastmaster. Public speaking has been one of my own growing edges, a practice in being seen. As I've grown steadier inside myself, I've grown steadier at the podium too.

A little more about me

I live in Oceanside, California, where you'll find me at the beach, walking my dog, or hanging out with my kids. I love a good book in a cozy coffee shop, long walks with friends, and my newest exploration, pickleball. I run and lift weights to feel strong. And fair warning: I'm playful and a little silly, and I'll dance any chance I get.

If any of my story sounds like yours, I'd love to talk.