FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Why are relationships so hard?

What is the difference between Inner Resources Coaching & Counseling and psychotherapy ? 

Do both people in a relationship have to get counseling for it to work?

It only takes one in a relationship to stop participating in painful patterns for those patterns to change. I heard this for years and HATED it! Why was I the one who had to change? What about him/her/them? For so many of us, when we feel out of control or overwhelmed by what we are feeling inside ourselves we turn our efforts toward the world outside of us (including other people). We try to control our environment because we don't have the inner resources to take care of ourselves. This may have been appropriate when we were children, however, as adults trying to control other people doesn't usually go over well. And it doesn't actually help us feel better, at least not for long. 

Do I need a coach/ counselor to grow, learn, and heal? 

Relationships can be damn hard because we have all developed unconscious reactive protective measures to prevent our frightened vulnerabilities from being exposed. For many of us, there is so much we don’t know about resolving conflict, effective communication, getting needs met, how to hold unmet needs, truth telling, making mistakes, grieving, joy, contentment, etc… which leaves us vulnerable to naively recreating subpar or downright painful dynamics over and over again. Even more challenging are the misunderstandings and mistaken beliefs operating in the background that we aren’t even aware are untrue. When these untruths bump up against truth, we can fight like hell for the lie because it’s the only “truth” we’ve known.

Inner Resouces Counseling is a collaborative inquiry into aspects of yourself and your life where you feel stuck, in conflict, or challenged. We work together to explore your relationship with yourself, another, or a situation with the understanding that none of them needs fixing. Rather than reaching for control, we can shift how we relate to our pain and discomfort. We can cultivate the inner resources that bring forth self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion that relieve us from reactivity, anxiousness, and helplessness. 

Psychotherapists are specially trained to work with individuals and families impacted by a mental health disorder, providing invaluable support for reducing the negative impact of the diagnosis and increasing functioning. As a coach and counselor, I am not qualified to diagnose or treat mental health disorders. Still, I will compassionately guide you toward additional resources should it seem supportive and necessary. 

 

While psychotherapy therapy is designed to be limited in duration, Inner Resources Coaching is meant to provide invaluable ongoing loving support throughout your life. In a coaching relationship, we work to cultivate a precious alliance that you can lean on for life. Life consistently offers us opportunities to grow, heal, and become our most authentic selves. But, unfortunately, it also entices us to slip back, fall forward, and forget all the wisdom we've gained. Having a coach is a self-nurturing way to bring you back to yourself over and over again. 

It is not required, but it is certainly invaluable and makes the journey more graceful, efficient, compassionate, fun, and productive. It can be easy to get caught up in our own stories, blind spots, blame, and criticism. A counselor can support you by meeting you where you are with clarifying intentions, gentle and direct truth-telling, and coach you thru specific practices to support your needs and break your unhealthy patterns.